Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage: Because a Great Relationship Doesn't Happen by Accident

This is a wonderful resource for Christian couples! I plan to give it to my friends and family members as part of their wedding gift. I really enjoy and benefit from Sheila Wray Gregorie's books. A little back information: I am almost 30, have 3 children, and have been married for close to 7 years. One thing that stuck out to me was when Sheila says, in chapter 7, "But instead of listening to understand [my husband], I was listening for loopholes." I cannot agree enough as I too struggle with this tendency. I will wait to hear my husband use phrases like "you ALWAYS do ________" or "you NEVER do __________" and then try and prove him wrong with whatever "proof" I can come up with, and then like Sheila said, "All I had to do was find an exception and I could leave his argument in the dust!" This is something I've decided just isn't worth it anymore. It does nothing to improve my marriage and does nothing to improve my communication with my husband. Sheila also provides "action steps" throughout each chapter to help apply whatever 9 thoughts she discusses. For example, she challenges you to identify your unmet needs in your marriage, and then explains how you should discuss these with your spouse (writing them down all at once, with both spouses having the opportunity to identify their unmet needs, and discussing in a kind and loving manner.) This book was extremely easy to read, and I felt like I was listening to a wise, seasoned wife who was taking the time to discuss these issues with me in a heart-to-heart. There is humor, there is understanding, and there is truth. Too many times I try and talk to a friend about an issue I'm having, and we end up just both complaining about whatever problems we are facing in our marriage. Sheila challenges you to dig deeper instead of just find a gal-pal who can commiserate with you, even if what you're talking to your friend about is as lighthearted as airing frustrating about your husband's inability to throw a wrapper in a trash can instead of leaving it out on the counter. I have found that the more I bring up such lighthearted issues about my marriage with my friends, the more frustration builds up with whatever other issues I'm having in my marriage. So, stop. Closely examine your heart and be open to biblical instruction and advice from a wife who has been there. Sheila is offering her advice in this book for the taking, and i'm so grateful she has! I have already begun to implement some of the things Sheila recommends. My marriage is improving! But I have to say, if you are not also adjusting your attitude and thoughts in repentance, and dealing with these issues with Jesus, you're not going to get anywhere. Sheila mentions this in her book too, in various ways. If you're not willing to humble yourself and admit you need to work on some things and that it's not JUST your husband that is giving you issues, you won't have any improvement. But if you go into this with a willing heart, and are willing to let your thoughts and attitudes be challenged...this is a great resource to use.

I bought your book on launch day, but I’ve been reading it slowly (which is very hard for me to do). I like to read quickly, but with your book, I’ve wanted to absorb and understand the points you are making. Sometimes reading too fast you can miss things. However, having said that, I find myself devouring the book and saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” We are responsible and capable human beings – God did not make us to be anything but. And I love your understanding of scripture and submission. I have never, ever (and I have a three year diploma in Theology) heard it said like this before. I’ve tried the “keep quiet and let him take the lead” route, and it just didn’t work. It didn’t bring us closer, it just kept things quiet. Now, I’ve decided to rather be who God has made me to be. And allow my husband and I the opportunity to work through issues that allow us to bring us closer together. My husband fell in love with a woman who could articulate what she was thinking and debate on various subjects – now I must keep quiet to let him lead? Just doesn’t make sense. The best part though – I have to say is where you say that if you’re feeling hormonal or emotional, you and hubby will have supper in front of the TV. We don’t get Netflix here in S.A., but this was freeing for me, because sometimes you just need that bit of “zoning out” while you sort yourself out. Thank you for an awesome book. Thanking for giving me the tools to empower me to make positive changes for me and for my marriage. There are so many people I know who need to read this! Love it!!!

This book is so helpful and will challenge and change your thinking! It's easy to play the blame game in marriage and especially when you feel and when you are really justified. I didn't want to read this book because I knew it would put the ball back in my court for driving my marriage to success instead of telling me what I would like to hear, that my husband owes me and he ought to pay for what he did! Nope. I can do something about it and I don't even feel angry about it! I feel refreshed and excited to work on our marriage! Who knew I could feel that way!? Sheila did, she has been there in the trenches and stormed out! Read this book, it will change the way you think!

Do you long for marital bliss? In this very honest book, Sheila Wray Gregoire explains how she turned a hellish marriage into heaven. Once she realized her power as a Christian wife, things got better. I enjoyed this book because Sheila says some very profound things about love. She also teaches you to listen to the feelings behind the words when talking to your husband. Through her own experiences she developed healthier ways to deal with conflict and started to become the right person instead of trying to change her husband. I was happy to read what most other relationship books rarely talk about, if ever! The truth is to be happy you can't rely on your partner to fulfill you. Falling in love with God is the way to be happy no matter how your marriage is going. One of the things I'm grateful she talks about is setting boundaries. You should never let your partner verbally abuse you or physically abuse you. But Shelia admits that a fight is not always the end of the world. Sometimes you have to work through things to get to a peaceful solution. She explains the difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker. The chapter on submission is an interesting one to be sure. Sheila has a different way of looking at things which is surprisingly refreshing. Most men would not want to be married to a doormat. I like that Sheila emphasizes mutual submission as the Bible teaches. However most pastors don't preach on all the verses, just one! When you look at the big picture you can see more clearly. What this book does is explain real problems and present practical solutions. Sheila Wray Gregoire has unique viewpoints on many subjects but she always draws logical conclusions which are very convincing. I felt this book was a wise, modern view of marriage that is based on ancient principles. I enjoyed the book and am happy I heard about it on the radio. While this book has been around for a few years it is well worth reading. ~The Rebecca Review

BEST marriage book I've ever read, and I've read A LOT!! Without a doubt, Sheila has done her homework on this book. Mostly by living it out herself. This book is easy to read, has excellent review sections and practical ways to put the principles into practice in your own marriage. I wish I had read this book years ago. I've been married 37 years and Sheila has challenged me to love and pray for my husband like none other. I've already given out multiple copies and I intend to continue doing so.

This is such a great book for marriages old and new. I wish I had books like these when I started out as a new bride back in 1999. In this book, Shelia offers great advice, after all, she's been there having been married to her college sweetheart for over 20 years. She has a passion for marriages as God meant them do be and backs up her beliefs with Scripture. Truly, even if you aren't a Christian, these 'thoughts' can be applied to your marriage as well. For #1, Be kind to your husband. Treat him as your neighbor because he is one. That's a pretty simple thing to do, isn't it.

I really liked this book and it was so helpful in replacing some of the faulty thoughts I had been taught by other Christian marriage books - in fact realized that the principles taught in Love and Respect were anything but helpful. I am still working out the bad theology from that I adopted prior to marriage. This book really helps with teaching you biblical and helpful advice to create a much healthier marriage that is good for both husband and wife to spur one another on in love and good works.

I really enjoyed reading this book. I have ADD and quite often get distracted. I was worried about being able to stay focused to read this book, but my marriage was struggling and I needed to do it. This book was an easy read. It really opened my eyes and changed my marriage. Within the first chapter, I told my husband some of the things I was reading about and both of us made some changes. I now have a much happier marriage just from this book.

I absolutely loved this book. Neither my husband or I had a good example of what a healthy marriage looks like so this book was a gold mine for me.

An excellent, Christian book about marriage. I really enjoyed this book. The author has a beautiful way of writing that is funny and engaging at the same time as portraying an important message! Good practical tips. Thoroughly recommend. I think it would benefit all married couples - no matter how long you are married or if you are in a really happy marriage!

Great simple advice.

I've been married 26 years and I've learned much from this book! If recommend it for anyone whether you'rea newlywed or looking time married. Great book!

It's a great book.