Kate Elizabeth RussellMy Dark Vanessa: A Novel

“When we’re together … it feels as though the dark things inside me rise to the surface and brush against the dark things inside you.”Trigger Warning: SA; Pedophilia, SuicideIn the year 2000, Vanessa Wye is a 15 year old girl attending a private, boarding high school. She engages in a relationship with her 42 year old teacher, Jacob Strane. Now it’s the year 2017 and Strane is being accused of sexual assault by another girl and asking Vanessa to come forward and tell her story. Vanessa grapples with the decision to remain silent or tell her version of the events that occurred. Vanessa never viewed herself as a victim, but as a willing participant. Is the man that transformed her and stayed in her life really the monster everyone is making him out to be?I don’t even know where to begin my review of this book. It is captivating, compelling, dark, disturbing, indulging, mind blowing, and all the other descriptive words that I cannot come up with right now that says this book is amazing.This book is told in alternating timelines, the years when Vanessa is young, and when she is older. Russell really pulled me back into my teenage years and remember what it was like to be a 15 year old girl. The writing is done so well that I felt every little thing that Vanessa felt, her love, her disgust, her yearning, her indecisiveness, her sadness, and her struggle. I absolutely understood why Vanessa didn’t feel like a victim. While mentally, I know it is wrong for a 42 year old and a 15 year old to be in a sexual relationship, getting inside Vanessa’s head and heart made me emotionally not always believe it.This takes place during the height of the #MeToo movement, and this book really needs to be read by everyone. It explains why some girls come forward, and some don’t; it explains a bit about the point of view of some the girls/women that are involved with predators.This is not an easy book to read, but it should be read. A great debut novel by Russell; I can’t wait to read her next book.

Series Info/Source: This is a stand alone book, I bought a copy for my Kindle.Story (4/5): The story goes from past to present as Vanessa tries to navigate the beginning of an affair with her teacher (she is 15, he is 42) and the eventual fallout from it. The story is engaging and pulls you forward. You are constantly wondering what decisions the 2017 Vanessa will make and wondering how the 2000 Vanessa got into this strange relationship to begin with. It is a bit confusing at times as to what exactly the other students are accusing Strane of and seeing things through Vanessa’s eyes is intriguing. Vanessa is constantly justifies a lot of her actions and Strane’s actions with explanations she finds completely logical.Characters (4/5): The complexity of the characters is what makes this book. Vanessa is obviously permanently scarred from her time with Strane but she also seems like she had issues before she met him. She continues to seek out somewhat dangerous and illicit relationships. She has convinced herself that she chose her relationship with Strane. Strane is obviously creepy and his manipulation of Vanessa is masterfully done, but the author does a decent job of making him a bit grey as well. It’s never really clear whether his relationship with Vanessa was special to him. He never seems to get in quite as deep with other students as he did with Vanessa. There seems to be some mutual self-destruction behavior between the two that add to the overtly pedophilic tendencies that Strane has.While the characters are well done and intriguing to read about, I didn’t really like any of them. Vanessa is frustrating in her conviction that everything is fine, even when it’s obviously not and her continued self destructive tendencies are annoying. Strane is just flat out creepy. Some of the decisions Vanessa’s parents make are ridiculous and really enable her continued delusions.Setting (4/5): The setting here is fine but, aside from the fact it takes place in a high school level boarding school, not really the driver behind the story.Writing Style (4/5): I liked the way the story switches back and forth between the past and the present. We do tend to spend a lot more time in the past. The book was easy to read and engaging. The story felt very unfinished to me and the ending wasn’t all that satisfying. In general while I was engaged in the story, I felt a bit let down and frustrated by how everything was wrapped up.My Summary (4/5): Overall this was an interesting read that kept me engaged. I’ve read a lot of weird stuff so (while this wasn’t a fun or comfortable read) I didn’t find it all that sensationalist or shocking. It definitely doesn’t leave you feeling happy but more slightly nauseous at the things these characters did to each other. I was disappointed in how things were wrapped up, but it did match the non-committal tone of the rest of the story very well. This was decently written and I plan on checking out some of Russell’s other books at some point.

Tudo, recomendo!

Llegó en excelentes condiciones, nada maltratado y con su plástico. Bastante rápido de igual forma. Me muero por leerlo🤍

The book itself arrived fine, I like the cover. The story made me feel disgusted by men even more. And the fact that I could relate to Vanessa sometimes made me realise I might need to seek help.

Une édition de qualité pour un roman bouleversant que je recommande...pas à tout le monde...mais que je recommande quand même.

This book. Let me take a moment. This’s amazing and mind blowing writing style and the storyline,that’s something to be appreciative . Hands down the best concept ever written by K.E.Russell. Sooooo goooodddddd . Sooooo addictive.