Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby Mass Market Paperback – July 26, 2005

[...]What are “Combination Sleep Schedules“?They are considered to be compromises between “Parent-led” and “Baby-led” methods. According to Babycenter.com, “…combination schedules provide the consistency that babies and parents need without the hassle of a more rigid, timed-to-the-minute routine.”The best example of the method is Tracy Hogg’s “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer“, co-written by Melinda Blau.Word to the WhispererI argue (here, and here, for example) that pretty much everybody in the baby sleep world offers some kind of compromise between both camps. It’s only a matter of degree. But Hogg (who left us far too early in 2004) provides us with the best explanation of a common-sense baby care, spun in a Yorkshire accent.Combination or Common Sense?I will not be the first reviewer to point out that, for all it’s acronyms and British accents, “Baby Whisperer” essentially offers good old-fashioned common sense. As such, Hogg places herself in the tradition of Ben Spock. Hogg concludes her book, in part, like this:My wish for you is to relish every moment, even the tough ones. My goal is to give you not merely information or skills, but something even more important: confidence in yourself and in your own ability to solve problems.Sound familiar? It should. It’s a version of Spock’s famous “Trust Yourself” formula that rocked the parenting world fifty years prior. By 2001, it was old-fashioned advice!But the book is not entirely derivative, and there is even a fair amount of innovation (Hogg’s acronyms, E.A.S.Y., and S.L.O.W. (see below) are unique, as far as I know). Her major contribution to the field is her emphasis on parents paying attention to their babies, engaging them in a kind of conversation. Hogg is on to something here. It is almost certainly the case that human communication begins at a very early age, perhaps the earliest of ages. Hogg is right to suggest to parent that they appreciate the “messages” that their babies send them, and to communicate back in real human language.My only quibble with Hogg’s suggestion is her tendency to echo an annoying pattern of speech in which parents refer to themselves in the third person. “Mummy will be right back”. “Mummy doesn’t like it when you do that”.Pronouns are hard. Pronouns are hard for anybody learning a language, even their first language. Anybody learning a new language knows that you understand more than you speak at every point along the learning curve. Children understand you when you say “I” and “me”. They will muff the pronouns when they try them out, but they understand you. For heaven’s sake, people, if we are to converse respectfully with our children, let us respect their ability to understand pronouns!S.L.O.W. Down and Take it E.A.S.Y.Hogg doesn’t say this explicitly, so I just did it for her: Baby Whisperer philosophy is based on slowing down, taking deep breaths, and listening to your baby. Both acronyms, as corny as they sound, help anxious hurried parents get to know their babies.S = Stop; L = Listen; O = Observe; W = What’s up? (Hey, she needed a “W”, right?) In other words, absorb what you’ve heard and seen and evaluate what’s going on for your baby. It’s a bracingly simple and effective tool. I wish I had such an acronym to recite while walking the floor with my colicky first-born! Cleverness aside, it’s important to remember that your baby is a human being that is learning to interact with the world via communication. Hogg reminds us we do better to start early.Another of Hogg’s contributions to the baby sleep literature is her clever E.A.S.Y. acronym. E = Eat; A = Activity; S = Sleep; Y = You. The innovation is the insertion of activity between eating and sleeping. This way, parents will avoid the temptation to allow their babies to develop bad sleep associations. To do this, it’s important to separate feeding from the moment of sleep. The activity needn’t be anything stimulating: to the contrary, stimulation prior to sleep is never a good thing. Hogg recommends changing the diaper, singing a song, reading a book, etc.As for the “Y”, I suspect Hogg needed another letter to spell a nice word. Otherwise, I can’t see why she included it. Hogg really doesn’t need to tell mothers to eat, take a shower, sleep, etc. She doesn’t go as far as Baby Wise Gary Ezzo, who recommends “Date Night” for parents. Indeed, for parents without extended family or disposable income to pay a baby sitter, the latter really isn’t possible. Hogg’s Hollywood clientele could afford it perhaps, but not us normal folk. Surely mothers need to care for themselves, otherwise they’d soon be incapable of taking care of their babies. I’m just not sure they need to be told this. I’m going to stick with the suggestion that she needed the letter “Y”.One More AbbreviationHogg ends the book with an excelling “troubleshooting” chapter, featuring the mnemonic ABC. A = Antecedent. What came before the sleep problem? (Kudos to Hogg for using the word “antecedent”: it’s a dying word, I fear). B = Behavior. What is your baby’s part in starting this sleep problem? C = Consequences. What was kind of pattern resulted from A and B? Usually, the problem to be solved is a bad sleep association, and Hogg walks us through the disassociation process. But I suspect that the ABC method could help unpack other sleep problems as well.FinallyAs I’ve said before, I’m a lumper and not a splitter. And as such I’ve argued that we’re all basically “combination schedulers” now. I say this because experts from Ezzo at the parent-led end of the spectrum, to Sears at the baby-led end, all recommend following a baby’s cues, but providing her with structure. To Tracy Hogg’s credit, she says this explicitly.We’re all Baby Whisperers now. Or we should be anyway.

This book has changed my life with my 10 week old in 4 days, and still getting better. I had started with Dr. Sears and attachment parenting and have the added complication of a reflux baby- his reflux made him want to eat all the time (some don't like to eat because of pain and some think, my tummy hurts, I am hungry). I definitely fell into the accidental parenting complex the book warns against- on demand feeding meant feeding everytime he cried- and for the most part it quieted him but I was going crazy and he would scream in the evenings. He was still waking up to eat every 2 hours and we were so sleep deprived! Some people, especially second time+ parents may be comfortable enough in reading cues that this seems silly to them, but for me and I am sure other first time parents it can be confusing. Dr. Sears Baby book made me think that by doing "Attachment parenting and feeding on demand" I would be able to better read my baby cues- for me that wasn't the case.After reading this I had several Eureka moments! My son's crying in the evenings wasn't due to pain or reflux or hunger...he gets overtired and overstimulated by that point in the day and I've been missing his cues that he is tired. He was taking cat naps all day downstairs on the couch with me, usually being held or eventually I would try to put him down with a 40% success rate. I wasn't getting anything done during the day and trying to plan Dr. visits, other appts was a nightmare.This book has really helped me learn to read my sons cues, get him to sleep on his own in his own bed, and teaches me what to do if I miss our sleepy window and he goes into meltdown mode. Within the second night of following her suggestions he went 9:30-2 pm without a feeding and then 2-5. We're working slowly to make sure he is really hungry when he wakes up and sometimes that means getting him back to bed without a bottle (rather than taking the easy way out and feeding him so I don't have to get up again in an hour) and it seems to be working. Her EASY routine advocates eating then activity and sleep so you don't get into a eat=sleep pattern (guilty!). I am not a "schedule" person and was really hesitant as soon as I saw schedule in her book but realized it wasn't all that bad and not a rigid timeline but more a guideline for your day. After analyzing the log for a couple of days I was able to see his sleep patterns to know we usually have a couple of short naps 9ish and 11ish- a long one at 1-2:30 and another long one from about 4-5:30. We were not putting him to bed for the night until 9:30 now we have him out for the night around 7-7:30 with a "dream feed" before I go to bed. Yesterday my husband was amazed when I was completely dressed with a clean house and dinner being made because I now can use those more efficient nap times to get things done and most importantly he seems WAY happier. I am getting more smiles and less fuss which means even when he is awake he is in a better mood and I can put him down and walk away for a few minutes to make myself a cup of tea, or lunch or take a phone call.I definitely recommend following up with either her The Baby Whisperer Answers All Your Questions or the ones specifically on breastfeeding and sleep- for me the sleep one ($2.99 on Kindle) was great because they offer a little more detail which I think was lacking from this book so consider this a good basis and if you need more help the other books might be worth looking at for extra guidance. I also think some people who are very pro-breastfeeding are looking at her advice the wrong way and getting offended. I am breastfeeding and bottle feeding (mostly breast) but it's been hard and I found her attitude toward it refreshing- she is not against breastfeeding at all but says if you choose to go formula for whatever reason (for many the lack of autonomy can be really hard- as it was for me) that she thinks it's okay to supplement or do formula all together. I think if she seems to lean more against breastfeeding it's to help balance what most women are hearing more of the time- that they are bad parents if they don't breastfeed.She just advises you do your homework and realize that certain groups you get advice from may have their own agenda either way and then follow through getting a pediatrician and support network that follows the decision you've made.SUMMARY:this is a great book for a new parent! It helps to distinguish your baby's crys and learn to read their cues which is easier if you are giving the child some structure to their day. It's a loving approach (no cry it out) but disciplined. I would almost use the word "Structured" more than "Disciplined" which sounds harsher. This will help your baby learn to self sooth. I've had to help my baby get to sleep (especially if I miss the early tired cues) but slowly I am getting to a point where I can sit with him quietly for a few minutse until he starts to get that really "glazed" look in his eye and then lay him down in his crib and let him do the rest and I am enjoying more me time and have a happier child!