Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior Paperback – February 1, 1996

I picked up a few books on self-defeating behavior and attitudes. This one is by far the most helpful and relevant. While other books can go on and on describing wild self-defeating behaviors, this book nails the core of everyday problems in plain english. I like how clear the writing is, how well it summarizes our pitfalls - "Self-defeating behavior occurs when we fail to learn the lessons that life tries to teach us. It represents the victory of impulse over awareness, immediate gratification over lasting satisfaction, relief over resolution. Self-defeating behavior invariably begins as an attempt to make ourselves feel better. It is a coping mechanism. " There, the author encapsulates exactly what I've been going through and from which I try to break free. I love that the first chapter of the book is "Chasing After Love and Approval From a Parent". So many of our frustrations and regretful impulses stem from a longing for approval and love at home and the misunderstanding thereof. The author is a practicing psychiatrist, not just a researcher. His generalization seems grounded in years of observation and clinical experience. When he says "almost everyone I see in therapy has conflicts with a mother or a father, and these invariably affect their relationships with spouses, offsprings, colleagues and friends", it made me look inside myself in a new way. I'm very excited over the findings he's presented in the book. For example, I'd never relate procrastination to loneliness. I like how plain and clear the writing is, how easy it is to understand. I can relate to the sentiments described in the book well. It's very sympathetic. "Actually, unless you are the rare son or daughter who articulates your needs clearly, your parents probably don't even have a clue as to what you want from them. All they know is that you're displeased - and that bewilders and saddens them." I feel like talking to an old friend who knows exactly how I feel. It made me develop a sense of forgiveness and love towards others that didn't seem possible before. Best of all, the book presents simple rules to follow and actions to take to improve our behaviors and attitudes. It's a small book, 177 pages - every chapter is straight to the point.

This is a great book to have on the bookshelf. Will definitely be reading chapters of this one over again.

There are things you can change with little effort, there others which will need more effort, but are some things that won’t be almost impossible to change. To understand those issues will help you to have a mild productive life. From the forty conducts listed in the book, I identified twelve which were critical in my case, I printed them in a little card to remind me and be conscious about them.

"Your honesty, combined with the information and advice in each chapter, will give you the confidence and wisdom to leave self-defeating behavior behind and move forward to a more satisfying future." ~ IntroductionMark Goulston and Philip Goldberg believe that self-defeating behavior is the real reason most people end up in psychotherapy. So reading this book might actually save you money! There are forty small chapters so reading this book is a breeze. Some of the topics include:ProcrastinatingGetting So Angry You Make Things WorseTalking When Nobody's ListeningTaking Things Too PersonallyLetting Others Control Your LifeNot Moving On After a LossNot Asking For What You NeedMost of the chapters begin with a story of someone who is struggling to overcome a certain self-defeating behavior. Then the authors make comments about what should be done. At the end of each chapter there is a "usable insight" and a section called "Taking Action."For instance, in the chapter on "Assuming the Hard Way is the Right Way," the authors tell a story about someone named Paul who was suffering from constant headaches and insomnia. He was studying to be a lawyer but really had a love for coaching basketball. He thought he was doing the right thing but instead was making himself sick with stress. So the usable insight is "Sometimes the easy way out is the right way in." The taking action section explains how you should look for ways to turn what you enjoy into a meaningful pursuit or career. Paul thought if something was too easy or enjoyable you couldn't call it a job.So I think this book is helpful as well as practical and it addresses a few problems I haven't seen in other self-help books.~The Rebecca Review

Very eye opening and beneficial to get rid of toxic habits

I read a lot of self help books for my self and to find help for family. I did not finish this book. It did not keep my attention. I found my self putting it down reading other books or doing different things. Might help others but books don’t help if they don’t keep interest. Sorry

Can I just say this book is awesome!!! There is no way you cannot go through all 40 of these subject matters and not find anything that reflects you and something you need to work on! Sometimes in life there are some things you just do not understand and this book is the type of wisdom I wish an elder would have sat me down with. Each passage is short and packed with objective wisdom. I said I would read one chapter a day but I just got hungry for more knowledge and went through the book in 2 days. The best part is that you can skip around; the information does not build. One lesson that stuck out to me was playing the game and that struck a nerve, because all my life I have never been as saavy as I would like to be about work and dating politics. I am quick to wimp out, get scared, play the victim, and say oh that's not fair. But that passage really stuck with me and showed me how I over personalize things and made me realize I have more power than I know!This book is totally good stuff for anyone at any stage in their life! I know it has helped to enhance mine.